Bouncy

How much longer will God have to remind us about who He is?

How much longer will He show His face to us?

How long will He pursue after us when we walk down dark paths filled with our own pleasures?

How can we stand to break His heart any further?

He never stops wanting you.

He never stops reminding you who He is.

He is the most patient Being. He has to be with people like us. We put the definition in "bouncy."

How much longer are you willing to break His heart?

*Don't wait until He walks away to wish He was still there.*

After studying the book of Hosea, this sprung in my spirit. How much longer will you make Him wait for you?

This "Tragedy of the Unopened Gift"

A poem by Gregg Levoy entitled "The Tragedy of the Unopened Gift,"

"To sinful patterns of behavior that never get confronted and changed,
abilities and gifts that never get cultivated and deployed-
until weeks become months
and months turn into years,
and one day you're looking back on a life of
deep, intimate, gut-wrenchingly honest conversations you never had;
great bold prayers you never prayed,
exhilarating risks you never took,
sacrificial gifts you never offered,
lives you never touched,
and you're sitting in a recliner with a shriveled soul,
and forgotten dreams, and you realize there was a world of desperate need,
and a great God calling you to be part of something bigger than yourself -
you see the person you could have become but did not;
You never followed your calling.
You never got out of the boat."

You know what you need to do. Don't wait years from now to start on what God has called you to do. It doesn't matter your age or your limitations. God is so much bigger than what you think you can't do. He's so much bigger than your excuses. Take a risk. Take a step. Never have a reason to look back and wish you'd done something.

This accomplished

You will never know what you could have accomplished if you hadn't stepped out. At least while failing you experienced it.

"It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena... who, at best, knows in the end the triumph of great achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory nor defeats" - Theodore Roosevelt.

This learning of stepping out of the boat

The lady's bible study at church is doing this study entitled, "If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat." The book takes a closer look at Jesus and Paul walking on water. It goes deeper than just reading the verses and asking questions that other people know the answers to. This study has captivated me.

It's about trusting God enough to actually get out of the boat.

The New Testamnet is a collection of some amazing things that Jesus did. The one thing that Jesus did those 33 years is walk on water. To me, I just can't picture it. The whole walking on water is big enough for God. He does the impossible. Walking on water sure is impossible. I have to make a confession. I've tried to walk on water. If you watch me after a storm, I like to walk through all of the puddles. And it's not the whole walking on water thing that intrigues me really. It's how unsteady water is. Jesus walked on unsteadiness.

I don't know if you're familiar with the story but if not you can find it in Matthew 14:22-33; Mark 6:45-52. Pretty much, Jesus sends his disciples in a boat ahead of him while he prays. The winds and water is extremely rough. The disciples are afraid of dieing. They're in mortal danger. When Jesus sees how battled the boat is, he goes out to them. When the disciples see him, they are scared. Jesus tells them not to be afraid. Peter says if it's you tell me to come to you. Jesus tells him to come. Peter walks out on the water. Something happens and Peter starts sinking. Jesus reaches down and picks him out of the water. He says something profound and the disciples believe. Jesus and Peter get into the boat and go to land.

Jesus says, "Don't be afraid. It is I."

I don't know about you, but if the storm is strong, the boat swaying, and I see a figure on the water. I'm going to be freaking out. No wonder the disciples thought Jesus was a ghost. They were so focused on the storm; they didn't think beyond it.

I realized from the boat and walking on water thing that the boat symbolizes comfort. It can be comfortable but not safe for you. Not what you need. The walking on water symbolizes growth. Peter choose to get out of his comfort zone and go where Jesus wanted him or where He was. Walking on water isn't something you can do on your own. I've tried walking on water puddles and nothing. Cement is still under my feet and my flip flop become slippery. It's no good. Even when Peter looked away, Jesus still reached out for him. When Peter sunk, he realized Jesus was still there. It takes a God who is paying attention to save you while you're sinking.

It's not easy to trust God, but after awhile you have to choose. You have to do more than just trust yourself. You're going to let yourself down too. And what's going to happen when you do? Only trusting yourself isn't safe. You're in the boat. God's on the water. I know it looking frightening and unclear. I'm there now wondering if I really should be doing this. He just wants you focused on Him. Because before you know it...you'll be walking on water because you stepped out of the boat.

This righteousness

So, I've been trying to wrap my mind around something...righteousness.

I'm sure you've heard it before. Righteousness. I've always known it as living right in the eyes of God. My whole thought on the subject changed when I started listening to a podcast series found on iTunes by Pastor Willie George called "Why Worry." It's a pretty lengthy series but it's so good. When I first started listening, I thought it would be about worrying and why you shouldn't...you know the normal stuff.

But the series is not the normal stuff, it's about why we worry. It's because we can't accept the righteousness God gave us. Which is problematic. The definition of righteousness says nothing about God giving it to us.

Examples:

Righteousness according to my Bible's glossary:

The state of being in right relationship with God, particularly through faith in Jesus Christ and obedience to God's Word, a positive evaluation of character, actions and attitudes in relation to God's perfect standard with God's help, doing what is right according to his standard.

Righteousness according to dictionary.com:

1.

The quality or state of being righteous

2.

Righteous conduct

3.

The quality or state of being just or rightful.

Righteous is...

1.

characterized by uprightness or morality

2.

morally right or justifiable

3.

acting in an upright, moral way

Is it possible that we define righteousness differently than what God has intended? I'm doing a bible study to figure out what righteousness is as it is displayed in the Bible.

I'll keep you updated.

This remembering

I've started a new book. Actually it's a book that I started reading when I was home for Christmas, but I wasn't able to finish the whole book. I was literally reading on the way to the airport. You can't take a library book to a different state. It just doesn't work out. :)

I'm reading "Kiss" by Ted Dekker and Erin Healy. Dekker is by far my favorite author. There's something about his writing that just pulls you in and keeps you attached. I'm only on page 135 but it's been great remembering the book. It's about a girl named Shauna who wakes up after six weeks in a coma. She and her brother were involved in a tragic car crash that left her beloved brother half the man he used to be. She wakes up not being able to remember the last six months. Her life is surrounded by people who hate her for the car accident, who hate her for what she did to her brother.

As she tries to remember, she finds herself dreaming of other people's experiences. You'll have to read the book to under that last sentence. But there is a conversation she has with her maid. It is important to note that her maid, Khai, had her daughter taken from her and sold. She's been looking for her ever since. Here it is below:

"Khai shook her head and handed a hot cup of tea to Shauna, then took a seat at the window. "My daughter turns fifteen today, if she is still alive," Khai said. "Sometimes I wonder if I would know her if I saw her. I wonder who she looks like, and what her voice sound like. I wonder if she remembers any impressions of me."

Shauna closed her eyes. She was not in the frame of mind to engage Khai on such an intense topic.

"In a way," Khai said, "she and I don't know each other at all. But there is a part of me that senses we have never stopped knowing each other, that we have never forgotten each other." She nodded, contemplative. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I would know her."

"That's nice."

"Can I tell you a story?"

Shauna let her eyes say yes even though her mind said no.

"When my husband, Chuan, took our daughter away, people told me to forget her. I must get on with my life, they said, there was nothing I could do. Chuan returned to our little house with his dirty money and said we would have more children. He more than anyone wanted me to forget. Forget, forget!

"For a while I considered this. The pain was so deep and so raw. There were days I would have died just to forget. The problem was, I couldn't figure out how to get her out of my mind. How do you kill that kind of pain?"

"If you're going to tell me that my amnesia is a mercy-"

Khai held up her hand. "No. Wait. I had heard of a missionary in our village who was said to help people forget the darkness of their past. Some said he was a miracle worker who knew how to cover up everything terrible that followed you like a shadow. His God could cut it off and replace it with hope. I went to this man thinking he could help me to separate from my shadow."

"Peter Pan magic," Shauna observed.

"Didn't you ever wonder why that boy always wanted his shadow reattached?"

This conversation was baffling Shauna.

"But the missionary was no magician," Khai said. "When I told him and his wife what I wanted, they should have laughed at me, but they didn't. Instead they told me that my past was not something God wanted to amputate. He wanted to cast a new light on it so that it would become useful to him and to others. If I tried to deny that shadow in my life, the truth of it would be useful to no one." pages 130 - 131)

Skipping ahead to not spoil the book.

Continued

"You can't possibly miss that kind of pain."

"Even our worst memories are valuable." (page 132)

And more:

"Why have you told me all this?" she (Shauna) asked.

"Because Wayne wants you to forget your pain. You want to forget your pain. I mean to tell you that doing that will only cause you more harm."

"I don't want to forget my pain, Khai. I want to live. Something happened to me that someone else doesn't want me to remember."

"Of course they don't! Listen to me. The only things worth forgetting are the offenses others have caused us. Those will distract you from living. But if someone tells you to forget your own history, you can expect he has his own agenda in mind. His own selfish or his own intolerance for pain. Or something far more harmful."

"I haven't forgotten anything willingly."

"Then you will have to work harder than the average person to hold on to what is true. If you forget, Shauna, your suffering will rule you instead of free you." (page 132-33).


There is always something appealing about forgetting. Even in personal experience, I thought forgetting would help me but the obsession with forgetting only hurt me more because that masked the pain I thought was healing. The only thing that really helped me was remembering. Because remembering causes the pain to be real and when that pain is real, you can move on. It's not an easy journey but it's a journey worth taking. I'd rather never return to the person or place I was four years ago. Sometimes it takes God remembering for you, for you to forgive (not forget) and move on.

I learned that forgetting wasn't healthy. I also learned that always remembering wasn't either. I learned to remember without it taking my breath away. I learned that remembering and telling your friends can actually bind that friendship. The friends I have made at ORU have similar experiences. They understand me. It's nice because I don't have to reintroduce me and all my baggage to them. They already know. Remembering your pain could actually help someone else heal from theirs. Holding back only hurts you. Ted Dekker even says it his book. So it has to be true. :)

Life after graduating...

Life after graduation feels the same it does before you've finished. The only difference is that I'm not as busy and I've just been sitting around doing nothing. hehe Actually, that's not true. I have more breathing time than in the last year.

I'm a college graduate. Weird. I mean, I knew it was going to happen, but it's already passed. It's weird.

I don't feel like I've graduated. It doesn't help that I'm still at school for the summer. I think when I actually find a real job and move into a house with my roommates it'll actually hit me. Just hopefully not too hard.

I've been doing a lot more leisure reading now that I've had the time. I picked up several of Jodi Picoult's books. I've read Tenth Circle and just finished Handle with Care. I have to say I've never read a book that it is as complex as these two. I've never wanted to slap so many characters. Thing I love about this author is that she's not afraid to deal with tough subjects. If you're going to pick up these books, I will say she deals with issues like rape, mental and physical disabilities, eating disorder, and so much more. She's a great writer. She's extremely talents.

Out of the two I've read, Tenth Circle is the best.